Still Sick

I'm still sick.  I had to go back to the doctor Friday because my ear is clogged.  It seems I have a pretty bad middle ear infection.  I now have a nasal spray & some strong allergy meds to get it to drain.  I had a second antibiotic that I finished yesterday.  It is improving, but slowly.  My hearing doesn't sound funny anymore, which is really good.


My weight is up.  I haven't exercised or eaten right or tracked.  I've also been coping pretty hard with food too.  I know what the problem is.  I don't know how to solve it and I am afraid to deal with it at this moment in time.  When I'm alone, which has been a lot lately, I cry all the time.  Big fat tears.  Sobbing, can't catch my breath crying.  In my car, in the shower, when I walk Hailey.  I have been taking my Ambien every night so I can sleep.  If I don't, I wake up in the middle of the night & think about everything & cry.  I've regressed.  I've been jotting my thoughts down elsewhere, a non public venue.  I don't know if I will ever share them.  It's brutally painful for me to read and to continue adding to.  It's my way of trying to find a solution. 

I went out yesterday & bought so many healthy foods.  Fruits & vegetables mostly.  Yes, I said fruits.  Eating cake or chips or ice cream doesn't make me feel better.  I still cry.  So I might as well try really hard at eating the good foods if I'm still going to cry, right? 


I'm not so sure my ear will heal.  I'm hoping the food choices will help.  I'm hoping I don't need to see a specialist like my doctor suggested I might.  I have until Friday to see in my ear is drained out.  I'm hoping it is.


Keep your fingers crossed that my ear gets better.  I'm trying to be hopeful about everything, but it's not going so well.

Sick

I'm sick.  So sick I had to go to the doctor.  My throat has been raw since Saturday night.  It's been getting worse & worse.  I have strep throat.  I had to get an antibiotic.  Not really what I wanted.

I weighed myself today, I didn't last week.  I have been extremely stressed.  It's just been compounding.  Last week I was so frazzled by Fruity Nutcake (who you can read about HERE & HERE) that I forgot to weigh myself & add it to my weight tracker on Weight Watchers online.  Today, when I weighed myself, I was down 3 pounds for a total loss of 12.9 lbs.  It's been slow.  It must be better though and I am about to explain why.

I ran out of my diabetes meds a few weeks ago.  I never called the doctor for more because I know he wanted to do a meds check, but I just don't have the extra money for a doctor visit.  That's what happens when you lose your health insurance & have to live off of unemployment.  I either pay my rent or go to the doctor.  It's not both. 

Add to the fact I haven't been taking my meds, that I've been food coping hard core.  All sweet stuff too.  Which is odd for me, but that's what it's been.  So my blood sugar has been way out of control.  I haven't even been checking it.  Being stressed along with being diabetic makes me more susceptible to becoming sick.  Sick to the point I need to go to the doctor and get antibiotics, not just a little cold. 

Being this sick is just a reminder that I need to take better care of myself.  Which I haven't been doing.  Because it's just been too hard.  But I have to make a better effort at it.  A HUGE effort.  I can't be sick like this, I can't afford it in so many ways. 

It's a reminder that food doesn't heal, it just will make you sick.  Maybe not overnight, but over time it will.  It's time I started taking better care of myself.  Once I get to where my throat isn't raw anymore, it's time to get back to exercising.  I haven't run in over a week & that makes me sad.  I also have to really get back into exercising.  I have no excuses, I mean, I don't have a job & I can see the Y from my back deck. 

I need to make better food choices too.  Major moderation on the sweet treats, although some lemon ice would feel really great on my throat right now.  My doctor adjusted my diabetes meds & refilled all my prescriptions so I will be getting back on track with that. 

Slowly & surely I will be getting back on track.  It will be easier once I get rid of this strep.  Yuck!