Still Sick

I'm still sick.  I had to go back to the doctor Friday because my ear is clogged.  It seems I have a pretty bad middle ear infection.  I now have a nasal spray & some strong allergy meds to get it to drain.  I had a second antibiotic that I finished yesterday.  It is improving, but slowly.  My hearing doesn't sound funny anymore, which is really good.


My weight is up.  I haven't exercised or eaten right or tracked.  I've also been coping pretty hard with food too.  I know what the problem is.  I don't know how to solve it and I am afraid to deal with it at this moment in time.  When I'm alone, which has been a lot lately, I cry all the time.  Big fat tears.  Sobbing, can't catch my breath crying.  In my car, in the shower, when I walk Hailey.  I have been taking my Ambien every night so I can sleep.  If I don't, I wake up in the middle of the night & think about everything & cry.  I've regressed.  I've been jotting my thoughts down elsewhere, a non public venue.  I don't know if I will ever share them.  It's brutally painful for me to read and to continue adding to.  It's my way of trying to find a solution. 

I went out yesterday & bought so many healthy foods.  Fruits & vegetables mostly.  Yes, I said fruits.  Eating cake or chips or ice cream doesn't make me feel better.  I still cry.  So I might as well try really hard at eating the good foods if I'm still going to cry, right? 


I'm not so sure my ear will heal.  I'm hoping the food choices will help.  I'm hoping I don't need to see a specialist like my doctor suggested I might.  I have until Friday to see in my ear is drained out.  I'm hoping it is.


Keep your fingers crossed that my ear gets better.  I'm trying to be hopeful about everything, but it's not going so well.


e -