It seems I have some work to do. Don't get too excited, I didn't get a job. I saw Seth yesterday and it did not go well at all.
But first.....after all the C's I consumed: chips, cheese & cake, I was only up 1.5lbs. I don't think that's bad considering.
Second, I am a new volunteer at the YMCA. I will be working in the Wellness Center greeting all members, seeing if they need assistance, would like an orientation & just to see how things are doing.
Ok, on to Seth. I left a complete wreck yesterday. I haven't cried like that in a long time. Big, fat hysterical tears. I suppose a lot of things have been compounding on me: no job, money is tight, a crazy neighbor among other things but I didn't expect to discuss what I did yesterday.
It's finally occurred to me why I emotionally eat. Yesterday I was talking about some things with Seth & it's very apparent I have extremely low self esteem & that affects a lot of my personal relationships. So when I get frustrated I eat, because of how I handle/deal/don't deal with things.
I am not sure how to raise my self esteem up. I suppose I am going to have to figure that out. I don't know where to start. I almost don't want to do it. But it's work that needs to be done.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Wheel of Cheese....and Cake
Yes, I missed my Monday post. My weight was up .8lbs, which I didn't think was so bad. I'm thinking this Monday to come it will be up a whole 8lbs. Here's why.....
Last week was my birthday week and I really didn't feel like celebrating. For a lot of reasons. So the week & few days before my birthday (figure about 10 days) I hit the processed foods hard. Chips. Love them. Saturday I had a wedding to go to, which was lovely. The wedding & reception itself was lovely but there was a lot of cheese which was also lovely. Yummy, delicious salty cheese. It's pretty much what I ate the whole time. I like cheese, what can I say. I've been bloated from my food choices for about 2 weeks. Do I know how to do it or what?
On Thursday, I baked my birthday cake. I've been by myself since the evening of that day & pretty much have enjoyed nothing but cake & chips & cheese. The 3 C's. I'm sure that my food choices are strongly reflective of things that have me stressed & what do I do? I emotionally eat. Food is my drug of choice. Oddly though, I know exactly WHAT the things are that are stressing me and when I choose not to deal with it, I try to suppress it with food. Yes, I know that isn't good. That's why I called Seth to see if I could see him to talk it out. I will be seeing him this Thursday and I can't wait.
Pretty much everyone knows I've been unemployed going on 9 months. I'm my worst enemy. I do nothing but think about money, will I have enough, current things that are on my mind, past things I can't do nothing about, my crazy new neighbor, you name it, it's on my mind.
I will be alone the next 5 days so I have time to compile all the things that I need to talk about for Seth. It will be good for me to go. I don't want to talk about some of the things with my friends, I don't really care for their opinions. They just make me feel worse. I've gone back to my practice of holding things in & just pretending everything is ok.
I know I need to exercise more than the whole C25K thing. I just haven't felt it. Probably because I'm all bloated up from chips & cheese hahaha!
Everything isn't all bad though. I'm a new volunteer at my YMCA. I will be greeting members (new & established) in the Wellness Center, seeing if they need help or would like a free orientation with a trainer. A lot of people don't know that they can take advantage of that free orientation. I start this Tuesday. I'm looking forward to it. When I was doing my interview, I found out that Zumba is now offered to those who receive financial aid from the Y at a discount. That means I can take Zumba for a lower price. I'm excited about that & will be starting Zumba this week.
I've had a bit of a business idea. I talked about it with a friend from high school who gave me the idea how to start it free to see if I like it & if I can get a following. I'm calling it Friendly Stranger & if you click on the name, you can check it out. I had the idea of "talking" to others, offering help anonymously. I have been lucky to have my own therapist (Seth) but not everything has that ability. Sometimes we can't talk to friends or family. I have been "blessed" with the ability of people telling me their life stories within minutes of meeting them. So I set something up. Please check it out & pass it along to someone you think could benefit from it.
That's what is going on with me. Monday starts a new week & I'm planning to be focused. I really need to be. There is a possibility I will have some major changes and I need to be prepared.
Last week was my birthday week and I really didn't feel like celebrating. For a lot of reasons. So the week & few days before my birthday (figure about 10 days) I hit the processed foods hard. Chips. Love them. Saturday I had a wedding to go to, which was lovely. The wedding & reception itself was lovely but there was a lot of cheese which was also lovely. Yummy, delicious salty cheese. It's pretty much what I ate the whole time. I like cheese, what can I say. I've been bloated from my food choices for about 2 weeks. Do I know how to do it or what?
On Thursday, I baked my birthday cake. I've been by myself since the evening of that day & pretty much have enjoyed nothing but cake & chips & cheese. The 3 C's. I'm sure that my food choices are strongly reflective of things that have me stressed & what do I do? I emotionally eat. Food is my drug of choice. Oddly though, I know exactly WHAT the things are that are stressing me and when I choose not to deal with it, I try to suppress it with food. Yes, I know that isn't good. That's why I called Seth to see if I could see him to talk it out. I will be seeing him this Thursday and I can't wait.
Pretty much everyone knows I've been unemployed going on 9 months. I'm my worst enemy. I do nothing but think about money, will I have enough, current things that are on my mind, past things I can't do nothing about, my crazy new neighbor, you name it, it's on my mind.
I will be alone the next 5 days so I have time to compile all the things that I need to talk about for Seth. It will be good for me to go. I don't want to talk about some of the things with my friends, I don't really care for their opinions. They just make me feel worse. I've gone back to my practice of holding things in & just pretending everything is ok.
I know I need to exercise more than the whole C25K thing. I just haven't felt it. Probably because I'm all bloated up from chips & cheese hahaha!
Everything isn't all bad though. I'm a new volunteer at my YMCA. I will be greeting members (new & established) in the Wellness Center, seeing if they need help or would like a free orientation with a trainer. A lot of people don't know that they can take advantage of that free orientation. I start this Tuesday. I'm looking forward to it. When I was doing my interview, I found out that Zumba is now offered to those who receive financial aid from the Y at a discount. That means I can take Zumba for a lower price. I'm excited about that & will be starting Zumba this week.
I've had a bit of a business idea. I talked about it with a friend from high school who gave me the idea how to start it free to see if I like it & if I can get a following. I'm calling it Friendly Stranger & if you click on the name, you can check it out. I had the idea of "talking" to others, offering help anonymously. I have been lucky to have my own therapist (Seth) but not everything has that ability. Sometimes we can't talk to friends or family. I have been "blessed" with the ability of people telling me their life stories within minutes of meeting them. So I set something up. Please check it out & pass it along to someone you think could benefit from it.
That's what is going on with me. Monday starts a new week & I'm planning to be focused. I really need to be. There is a possibility I will have some major changes and I need to be prepared.
Monday, April 11, 2011
April 11, 2011
Today is a big day, which I will get to. I need to give you some stats first.
Weigh in was up 2.4 lbs. Whatevs. I had some salty foods & it's about "that" time. My emotions have been getting to me. I've had really dumb things said to me bother me more than they should. I gave in to temptation. But you wanna know something? I managed to track complete days. Not just breakfast, or half a day, complete days, in a row. That is huge. It's all a journey, remember? I am human & far from perfect. I wake up EVERY SINGLE DAY TRYING. Some days I'm successful, some days I'm not. I'm me and I am very happy with me.
Ok, so for the big news. Like to hear it? Hear it goes: I ran a total of 16 minutes today!!! That's right, 16 minutes!!! No, the 16 minutes were not straight but I did 2 five minute runs. FIVE MINUTE RUNS!!! That is huge for me!!! It was hard, my calves were screaming at me but I pushed through it. My lungs didn't catch on fire & my heart didn't explode. I did it!!! It was also all uphill & into the wind!!! HAHAHA just kidding, but it felt like it. It's an extremely breezy day here in NJ. The sun came out & it was glorious.
Let me break down Week 4 of C25K for you: a brisk 5 minute warm up walk, run for 3 minutes, walk for 90 seconds, run for 5 minutes, walk for 2.5 minutes, run for 3 minutes, walk for 90 second, run for 5 minutes then walk 5 minutes to cool down. It was slow, it was hard but I pushed. I didn't stop. I didn't walk when I should have been running.
As I was doing my cool down walk, I got to the top of this little hill & took everything in. It was awesome. The sun, the view, the mountains. I got a little teary eyed. It shows progress. I'm really very happy with myself.
I know I need to really get my eating on track. In reality, I have a lot more good days, full days of eating than I do of bad. Most days it's not even full bad days, it's snacking. But the important thing is I continually work & try at it & there is more good than bad. It's a balance I can live with & have no guilt about :)
Weigh in was up 2.4 lbs. Whatevs. I had some salty foods & it's about "that" time. My emotions have been getting to me. I've had really dumb things said to me bother me more than they should. I gave in to temptation. But you wanna know something? I managed to track complete days. Not just breakfast, or half a day, complete days, in a row. That is huge. It's all a journey, remember? I am human & far from perfect. I wake up EVERY SINGLE DAY TRYING. Some days I'm successful, some days I'm not. I'm me and I am very happy with me.
Ok, so for the big news. Like to hear it? Hear it goes: I ran a total of 16 minutes today!!! That's right, 16 minutes!!! No, the 16 minutes were not straight but I did 2 five minute runs. FIVE MINUTE RUNS!!! That is huge for me!!! It was hard, my calves were screaming at me but I pushed through it. My lungs didn't catch on fire & my heart didn't explode. I did it!!! It was also all uphill & into the wind!!! HAHAHA just kidding, but it felt like it. It's an extremely breezy day here in NJ. The sun came out & it was glorious.
Let me break down Week 4 of C25K for you: a brisk 5 minute warm up walk, run for 3 minutes, walk for 90 seconds, run for 5 minutes, walk for 2.5 minutes, run for 3 minutes, walk for 90 second, run for 5 minutes then walk 5 minutes to cool down. It was slow, it was hard but I pushed. I didn't stop. I didn't walk when I should have been running.
As I was doing my cool down walk, I got to the top of this little hill & took everything in. It was awesome. The sun, the view, the mountains. I got a little teary eyed. It shows progress. I'm really very happy with myself.
I know I need to really get my eating on track. In reality, I have a lot more good days, full days of eating than I do of bad. Most days it's not even full bad days, it's snacking. But the important thing is I continually work & try at it & there is more good than bad. It's a balance I can live with & have no guilt about :)
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Oh boy....
Fiber & water. I firmly believe this is the key to weight loss because when you spend THAT much time in the bathroom after eating high fiber foods & drinking water to combat the fiber, that's how you lose weight. You flush it down the toilet. That is all. :)
Monday, April 4, 2011
Good Start
I think my life is missing some things. First, I'm missing another 3.8lbs making my total loss 13.9 lbs. It would have been more this week but there was brownie ice cream pie (2 slices) & those damn coconut clusters. What can I say, I'm weak for certain foods! I really enjoyed the podcasts for the C25K program. It is making things much easier. I am going to do Week 3 again, to build my confidence. I'm also really really really really really really really really scared of Week 4. Week 4 has 5 minute long jogs. I just did 3 minute jogs for the first time in my life ever. I'm not quite ready to take on more.....just yet. I'm missing the structure of a job in my life. I spend way too much time thinking about things. It's really all I do. Tomorrow will be 8 months that I've been unemployed (and reassured by the Career Center that 8 months is nothing compared to the 2+ years others have been unemployed). I hope it isn't much longer. I may drive myself crazy. I sit & think about things said to me, how I reacted, how I should have reacted, how I'm afraid to discuss things with some people, you name it, during the course of a day, it goes through my mind. I know I am my own worst enemy. I truly do have some things to think about because I am unhappy about some particular stuff, but the rest is just mind clutter. Anyway.... This week is also off to a good start. I'm on track & that is a good thing. Have a great week! :)
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