Showing posts with label awesome. Show all posts
Showing posts with label awesome. Show all posts
Monday, March 28, 2011
I'm Still Awesome
I'm happy to report that I squeaked out a 3.3lb loss this week. I think it's mostly from Friday-Sunday since I've eaten a lot of fresh fruits & vegetables & the fiber has kicked in.....several times. I didn't want to get out of bed this morning. I was awake for a while around 4am. Thinking. This not having a job thing is really taking it's toll on me. On April 5th, next Tuesday, I will be unemployed for 8 months. Yes, 8 Months. As I've been told in the computer lab, that's not so bad, there are people that have been unemployed for 2 years. As if that is supposed to make me feel better, but it doesn't. I'm to the point with money now that I hope to have a few sheckles left over after bills get paid to get a few groceries. Granted, I don't write this for pity, I'm trying to explain & work through my funk. I have a budget spreadsheet & bills are accounted for first, then some gas for my car, then food. As I've mentioned, it's much easier & cost effective to but frozen & processed meals. Because my budget is so tight, I'm noticing the prices going up. Take milk for instance. On sale it's $2.89 (I buy 1%). Costco's regular price for the same thing is $2.72. Milk not on sale is about $3.79, give or take. How do people with kids do it? I asked Jay to help me & he got me milk & an ass load of raisin bran from Costco. And all those fruits & vegetables I've been munching on. So with that, I worry constantly about money, that everything is budgeted right. I apply for jobs & don't hear back from anyone. The thing is, I am awesome, as I mentioned in my last post. I, for the life of me, can't figure out why someone wouldn't hire me. I'd be a great asset to any business. I'm smart, a good problem solver, great at multi-tasking, I have initiative, I'm a people person with superb people skills, you name it, I have it. I suppose the right thing will come along, when it's right. I'm thinking I should stop worrying about what's not happening & focus more on getting better at this running thing. I've planned my 3 running days this week for the C25K program. I will be meeting up with my friend Elysia to work that program outside. Even in the cold. It's not butt cold like my friend Amy is running 8 miles or more in, but it's still cold. So I will be adhering to my pact with Leah of working C25K. Running outside is much harder on a treadmill. I don't know why, but it is. Either way, I'm moving forward with that. Here's to being focused & succeeding at being awesome! :)
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Awesome
As I mentioned, I made a pact with my friend Leah. I have to apologize to her. I haven't been good at keeping the pact. I set myself up for failure.
She left me a comment: I don't know how you can run & do the cardio sculpt and all that crazy intense stuff you do - - You're like Wonder Woman!!!
I can't do all of that stuff. It was too much, way too much. I was left unable to form words & able to keep my eyes open. Really. Then I didn't want to do anything because I couldn't do it all. So I didn't do anything. I haven't done anything. What a moron I can be. I can't do everything, so I won't do anything. Who gets the Asshole Award this week?? I do!!!
Then I tweeted I was scared to try W3D1 of the C25K program, because I am. There will be 3 straight minutes of jogging twice within a 25 minute period. Add in 90 seconds of jogging as well. THAT I know I can do. But 3 minutes? No effing way!! My friend Amy, the triathlete, tweeted in response: Keep trying. Keep showing up. If it were easy everyone would do it. The hard part is what makes you stronger in many ways.
Of course I responded that I'm disappointed in myself. Amy told me to try to avoid disappointment, that I have a certain focus & that my energy is in run right now & I should own it. Well, I'm owning it.
At this moment in time I can't be successful at running & classes. I have to pick one thing & be good at that before moving on to something else. I've chosen the whole running thing for a couple of reasons. First, the classes are during the day which means if/when I get a job, I will have to stop taking them. Second, the running I can do anytime anywhere. Third, I've been trying this whole running thing longer than taking the classes, so I am going to stick with what I started first & get really good at it.
Twice this week, friends, childhood friends, Heather & Amy both told me I am awesome. They are pretty awesome themselves. Leah thinks I'm Wonder Woman. Maybe I should try seeing myself as others see me instead of seeing myself the way I typically do. I bet I might be more successful at running, eating right, being healthy. It's time to start formulating different thoughts in my head & believing them.
I'm lucky to have such smart, great, wonderful & awesome people in my life. I think things would a whole lot worse if I didn't.
Awesomely yours,
Elizabeth
She left me a comment: I don't know how you can run & do the cardio sculpt and all that crazy intense stuff you do - - You're like Wonder Woman!!!
I can't do all of that stuff. It was too much, way too much. I was left unable to form words & able to keep my eyes open. Really. Then I didn't want to do anything because I couldn't do it all. So I didn't do anything. I haven't done anything. What a moron I can be. I can't do everything, so I won't do anything. Who gets the Asshole Award this week?? I do!!!
Then I tweeted I was scared to try W3D1 of the C25K program, because I am. There will be 3 straight minutes of jogging twice within a 25 minute period. Add in 90 seconds of jogging as well. THAT I know I can do. But 3 minutes? No effing way!! My friend Amy, the triathlete, tweeted in response: Keep trying. Keep showing up. If it were easy everyone would do it. The hard part is what makes you stronger in many ways.
Of course I responded that I'm disappointed in myself. Amy told me to try to avoid disappointment, that I have a certain focus & that my energy is in run right now & I should own it. Well, I'm owning it.
At this moment in time I can't be successful at running & classes. I have to pick one thing & be good at that before moving on to something else. I've chosen the whole running thing for a couple of reasons. First, the classes are during the day which means if/when I get a job, I will have to stop taking them. Second, the running I can do anytime anywhere. Third, I've been trying this whole running thing longer than taking the classes, so I am going to stick with what I started first & get really good at it.
Twice this week, friends, childhood friends, Heather & Amy both told me I am awesome. They are pretty awesome themselves. Leah thinks I'm Wonder Woman. Maybe I should try seeing myself as others see me instead of seeing myself the way I typically do. I bet I might be more successful at running, eating right, being healthy. It's time to start formulating different thoughts in my head & believing them.
I'm lucky to have such smart, great, wonderful & awesome people in my life. I think things would a whole lot worse if I didn't.
Awesomely yours,
Elizabeth
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Very Early
It's Saturday & I am up very early. Well, I was. It's now 7:10am. I had some odd thoughts this morning & don't know why. I had about 3 minutes of tears & I am not sure if they were sad tears, angry tears or a combination of both. I'm sure I will figure it out. Before I get to the "meat" I need to add a little disclaimer.
** When reading this post and the things I talk about, it's strictly for comparison. In no way, do I have anger towards or blame my brother, Joey. It's also probably the first time he will be reading & learning about some of my thoughts & feelings. I don't mean for it to be hurtful to him or want him to feel guilty, again, it really doesn't have to do with him. I love & care for him very much and I don't think there is anything in this world that will change that. **
Has anyone ever noticed that I never mention or talk about my dad? To those who know me on Facebook, have you ever noticed that the only parent who I visit or who comes to see me is my mom? Well, for those who may have noticed, I don't talk to my dad. I stopped talking & visiting him at the end of 2003.
I saw him when I went home for Joey's wedding. I said hello to him & introduced Jay when he "ironically" showed up at the bar we were having wings at. That was the most I said to my dad in years. He has asked my mom why I don't talk to him & in fairness, she has told him to ask me. It's obviously not that big of a deal because he's never asked me. In fact, he "claims" that when he tries calling me on my cell phone, he gets a message that the number is disconnected. Really? Because I've had the same number since 2001. I know this because Joey has told me this. What I don't think occurs to Joey is we text & talk, using that same number. I think Joey might be in denial about some things between my dad & I, which is ok.
Please understand I don't hate or dislike my dad. He's actually pretty funny & really smart. I feel very sad & sorry for him for a lot of reasons. I think my grandmother messed him & my aunts up. She wasn't very nice. I mean, she actually told my Aunt Leslie that she never wanted her or my Aunt Donna (who she referred to as the black haired bitch), it was my grandfather that wanted a big family. Nice, right? My grandmother told me that she could have married a rich man, but married my grandfather instead. For those of you who ever met my grandfather. He was the most awesome grandfather ever. Too bad for him he didn't marry someone as awesome as him. From what I understand, my dad wanted to be a gym teacher. Knowing him, he would have been awesome at that. Guess what? As I understand it, my grandmother told my dad he would never make anything of himself. So after he finished college he went to work at Harrison Radiators, from which he retired from. How sad for him. Sure, we had a home that I grew up in & moved out of when I was 24 & for the most part life was pretty stable, so I thought, but he didn't do what made him happy.
With those few things I've told you about my grandmother, of course it makes sense why my dad might have issues. I don't blame him, but life is about choices. He could have made different choices.
My dad never apologized. If he hurt my feelings or upset me, he'd toss me $20 as his way of apologizing. I could have cared less about the money. Just tell me you're sorry. It's easier and cheaper.
Ironically, when I got older and was in my relationship with my ex, there was very little love & affection between us. Kind of like my relationship with my dad. There is a difference between taking care of someone & being taken care of. Basic necessities were provided. Love, affection & learning how a man is supposed to treat a woman were not. What did I do? I chose someone who treated exactly like my dad did. As sad as it is for me to say, but in the 4 years I spent in Seth's office, I had to learn how a man is supposed to treat a woman. At age 29 I had to start learning this. How sad for me.
My actual last conversation with my dad was on December 26, 2003. It was to tell him I was engaged. All he said was "that's great" and he changed the subject. He never said any of the things a dad should say when it comes to something like that. Needless to say, he didn't contribute to my wedding & he wasn't invited. Neither was Joey. Not that it matters now, since I'm divorced anyway.
I would still send my dad a birthday card, a father's day card & Christmas presents. He never sent me anything. I didn't get a card for my 30th birthday. Just because I didn't talk to him, I wouldn't forget about him. Obviously he didn't feel the same. Seth told me it's typical of children to not acknowledge a parent but for a parent to not acknowledge a child, well, that's messed up. I can't tell you how many times Seth would tell me he couldn't understand why my own dad would be like that, because I'm the most considerate and thoughtful daughter anyone could ever want. I don't send my dad anything now, there isn't any reason to.
Back in 2001, when I had my car accident, that landed me in the hospital for major surgery to repair the damage, my mom was the only one who came to be with me, not both of my parents. Why? Well, my dad told me he couldn't take the time off of work. Ok, dad, I understand. Mind you, I don't have any family in NJ. I ended up going home for a few months because I had to go to regular doctor appointments & my ex or his family just were available to help (or going to make themselves available either). Somewhere either in that time I was home or shortly after, I don't remember exactly (I've blocked a lot of things, details from my memory) my brother was moving to Arizona. My dad took time off of work to drive Joey out there & was going to fly back. Because he was giving Joey a car. I thought you couldn't take time off of work dad? Remember, you told me that when I was laying in a hospital bed, alone & doped up on Morphine waiting for mom to get there? Which, why did Joey get a car? You never gave me a car? How come he got one & I didn't? Let me remind you dad, I'm the first born. Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean one of us should have gotten special treatment over the other. Oh, wait. I forgot. The ONE time you visited me and you brought me a USED pan because you thought I might like it to cook with. Thanks. Was THAT my "car"? By the way, the ex has that pan. I didn't keep it.
I will never say my dad doesn't love me because I don't believe that. I just don't think he's capable of showing any emotion towards me & seeing how great I am and the awesome person I have become. He will never see how strong I am, emotionally & physically. I'm sad for him because he's missing out. He missed out on a lot of great things & will probably miss out on more great things.
I know, this is part of what makes me who I am. It is what had shaped me to be the person I am and to make changes and to grow and become even more awesome.
:)
** When reading this post and the things I talk about, it's strictly for comparison. In no way, do I have anger towards or blame my brother, Joey. It's also probably the first time he will be reading & learning about some of my thoughts & feelings. I don't mean for it to be hurtful to him or want him to feel guilty, again, it really doesn't have to do with him. I love & care for him very much and I don't think there is anything in this world that will change that. **
Has anyone ever noticed that I never mention or talk about my dad? To those who know me on Facebook, have you ever noticed that the only parent who I visit or who comes to see me is my mom? Well, for those who may have noticed, I don't talk to my dad. I stopped talking & visiting him at the end of 2003.
I saw him when I went home for Joey's wedding. I said hello to him & introduced Jay when he "ironically" showed up at the bar we were having wings at. That was the most I said to my dad in years. He has asked my mom why I don't talk to him & in fairness, she has told him to ask me. It's obviously not that big of a deal because he's never asked me. In fact, he "claims" that when he tries calling me on my cell phone, he gets a message that the number is disconnected. Really? Because I've had the same number since 2001. I know this because Joey has told me this. What I don't think occurs to Joey is we text & talk, using that same number. I think Joey might be in denial about some things between my dad & I, which is ok.
Please understand I don't hate or dislike my dad. He's actually pretty funny & really smart. I feel very sad & sorry for him for a lot of reasons. I think my grandmother messed him & my aunts up. She wasn't very nice. I mean, she actually told my Aunt Leslie that she never wanted her or my Aunt Donna (who she referred to as the black haired bitch), it was my grandfather that wanted a big family. Nice, right? My grandmother told me that she could have married a rich man, but married my grandfather instead. For those of you who ever met my grandfather. He was the most awesome grandfather ever. Too bad for him he didn't marry someone as awesome as him. From what I understand, my dad wanted to be a gym teacher. Knowing him, he would have been awesome at that. Guess what? As I understand it, my grandmother told my dad he would never make anything of himself. So after he finished college he went to work at Harrison Radiators, from which he retired from. How sad for him. Sure, we had a home that I grew up in & moved out of when I was 24 & for the most part life was pretty stable, so I thought, but he didn't do what made him happy.
With those few things I've told you about my grandmother, of course it makes sense why my dad might have issues. I don't blame him, but life is about choices. He could have made different choices.
My dad never apologized. If he hurt my feelings or upset me, he'd toss me $20 as his way of apologizing. I could have cared less about the money. Just tell me you're sorry. It's easier and cheaper.
Ironically, when I got older and was in my relationship with my ex, there was very little love & affection between us. Kind of like my relationship with my dad. There is a difference between taking care of someone & being taken care of. Basic necessities were provided. Love, affection & learning how a man is supposed to treat a woman were not. What did I do? I chose someone who treated exactly like my dad did. As sad as it is for me to say, but in the 4 years I spent in Seth's office, I had to learn how a man is supposed to treat a woman. At age 29 I had to start learning this. How sad for me.
My actual last conversation with my dad was on December 26, 2003. It was to tell him I was engaged. All he said was "that's great" and he changed the subject. He never said any of the things a dad should say when it comes to something like that. Needless to say, he didn't contribute to my wedding & he wasn't invited. Neither was Joey. Not that it matters now, since I'm divorced anyway.
I would still send my dad a birthday card, a father's day card & Christmas presents. He never sent me anything. I didn't get a card for my 30th birthday. Just because I didn't talk to him, I wouldn't forget about him. Obviously he didn't feel the same. Seth told me it's typical of children to not acknowledge a parent but for a parent to not acknowledge a child, well, that's messed up. I can't tell you how many times Seth would tell me he couldn't understand why my own dad would be like that, because I'm the most considerate and thoughtful daughter anyone could ever want. I don't send my dad anything now, there isn't any reason to.
Back in 2001, when I had my car accident, that landed me in the hospital for major surgery to repair the damage, my mom was the only one who came to be with me, not both of my parents. Why? Well, my dad told me he couldn't take the time off of work. Ok, dad, I understand. Mind you, I don't have any family in NJ. I ended up going home for a few months because I had to go to regular doctor appointments & my ex or his family just were available to help (or going to make themselves available either). Somewhere either in that time I was home or shortly after, I don't remember exactly (I've blocked a lot of things, details from my memory) my brother was moving to Arizona. My dad took time off of work to drive Joey out there & was going to fly back. Because he was giving Joey a car. I thought you couldn't take time off of work dad? Remember, you told me that when I was laying in a hospital bed, alone & doped up on Morphine waiting for mom to get there? Which, why did Joey get a car? You never gave me a car? How come he got one & I didn't? Let me remind you dad, I'm the first born. Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean one of us should have gotten special treatment over the other. Oh, wait. I forgot. The ONE time you visited me and you brought me a USED pan because you thought I might like it to cook with. Thanks. Was THAT my "car"? By the way, the ex has that pan. I didn't keep it.
I will never say my dad doesn't love me because I don't believe that. I just don't think he's capable of showing any emotion towards me & seeing how great I am and the awesome person I have become. He will never see how strong I am, emotionally & physically. I'm sad for him because he's missing out. He missed out on a lot of great things & will probably miss out on more great things.
I know, this is part of what makes me who I am. It is what had shaped me to be the person I am and to make changes and to grow and become even more awesome.
:)
Monday, January 3, 2011
Woot Woot!!!
That's right. Woot Woot!! I'm about to share some awesomeness!!!!
First of all, my scale is a temperamental douchebag. I have the WW scale where you can measure your body fat & stuff. For some reason, I can weigh myself 5 times & get 5 different weights sometimes. I have no idea why. Can someone shed some light on it for me? I mean, one time, I was up 9 pounds, 2 more than where I started last wee on WW. WTF??
Anyway, I managed to get the same weight to come up twice, so I went with it. What else was I supposed to do? Well, after 1 week on WW, where I didn't feel deprived, I exercised consistently AND I enjoyed myself New Years Eve.....I'm down 6.7 pounds!!!! Wooooootttttt Woooooootttttttttt!!!!!
How awesome is that?? I was motivated before, but I'm even more motivated now!!! My first goal I picked with WW is my 5%. I have less than 10 pounds to go until I reach that!! I did so well this week I had to re-take the points quiz, for my daily allotted points. In my first week, not only did I lose weight, but I lost a point too. Wow!! Awesome!!
The winter session started at the YMCA today. I did not sign up for Zumba. I did sign up for Hip Hop. I'm very excited!!! I needed the change. The Zumba stuff hasn't changed & I wasn't sweating & feeling worked out like I did in the beginning. Maybe I will go back to it, we shall see.
This Friday is my first Hip Hop class. Of course, I will share with you how it is. I'm looking forward to it. My mom also happens to be coming to visit this Thursday for a few days. I plan to keep on track with her here. I'm kind of excited to see if I will feel weak & cave in to it.
Have a great week!!!
First of all, my scale is a temperamental douchebag. I have the WW scale where you can measure your body fat & stuff. For some reason, I can weigh myself 5 times & get 5 different weights sometimes. I have no idea why. Can someone shed some light on it for me? I mean, one time, I was up 9 pounds, 2 more than where I started last wee on WW. WTF??
Anyway, I managed to get the same weight to come up twice, so I went with it. What else was I supposed to do? Well, after 1 week on WW, where I didn't feel deprived, I exercised consistently AND I enjoyed myself New Years Eve.....I'm down 6.7 pounds!!!! Wooooootttttt Woooooootttttttttt!!!!!
How awesome is that?? I was motivated before, but I'm even more motivated now!!! My first goal I picked with WW is my 5%. I have less than 10 pounds to go until I reach that!! I did so well this week I had to re-take the points quiz, for my daily allotted points. In my first week, not only did I lose weight, but I lost a point too. Wow!! Awesome!!
The winter session started at the YMCA today. I did not sign up for Zumba. I did sign up for Hip Hop. I'm very excited!!! I needed the change. The Zumba stuff hasn't changed & I wasn't sweating & feeling worked out like I did in the beginning. Maybe I will go back to it, we shall see.
This Friday is my first Hip Hop class. Of course, I will share with you how it is. I'm looking forward to it. My mom also happens to be coming to visit this Thursday for a few days. I plan to keep on track with her here. I'm kind of excited to see if I will feel weak & cave in to it.
Have a great week!!!
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