Bollywood

So I have a slight new obsession. I'm very interested in Bollywood music & dance. I have some great Bollywood type songs on my iPod, they are great to work out to. Before I get to the explanation of Bollywood, I have to back track some.

I have a couple of shows recorded off of Fit TV on my DVR. I have a couple recordings of Shimmy, which is Belly Dancing, All Star Workouts & Bollywood Dance Workout in case I didn't get to the Y to exercise.

Well, I didn't get to the Y today. I had a lot of trouble sleeping last night, a lot of anxiety over my job, er previous job, how they handled things, finding a new job - all the things included in that. I finally fell asleep around 3am. I was up at 6am to feed Hailey & the boy & I dozed but didn't really sleep & got up about 9am. I ran errands & did some laundry then came back & cleaned. I was starting to feel guilty for not exercising. It's becoming as if I HAVE to do it everyday. I mean, yes, I should do a little something everyday, but I'm feeling a little crazy over it. I guess better crazy over the Y than a bag of Lays, right?? Anyway, I don't like to go to the Y too late, I really enjoy exercising in the morning. So I decided to try out one of the shows I recorded, so I tested the Bollywood Dance Workout.

Wow!! My thighs were burning, my heart was pumping & I was sweating. It was only a 30 minute show. I didn't even do it to full capacity because I was trying to get the moves down, plus my thighs were burning. To learn about Bollywood, I have included a clip about it & it's being explained by Hemalayaa, the girl who "taught" the program on Fit TV.

I couldn't find the whole episode for you, but here is a small clip to get an idea. As I sit and write the my butt is also burning. Hemalayaa laughs & tells you to smile & pretend to enjoy the workout even if things are burning. I actually looked at my TV a couple of times like: "really, seriously?? WTF???"

It wasn't easy doing moves I'm not accustomed to. It's also not easy when Hailey thinks we are playing & was all up in my grill when I bent over. Anyway, it was a good 30 minutes & I've set my DVR to record a couple of others. I can tell you if you're interested, they have her DVD's on sale on the Fit TV website, the link is at the top of the page. Hopefully this inspires you to check out something a little different!!

Happily,

Elizabeth
grazingthroughlife@gmail.com

Similarities...

So I know I've mentioned the "crazy lady" in my head. She & I fight a lot, about my abilities, what I should eat, how I should feel. I'm pretty sure she will always be in my head, trying to cast doubt but I need to learn how to keep her quiet.

Ironically this week I have gotten one e-news letter & read 2 blogs along the same "crazy lady" topic. They are about dealing with fears & learning to trust yourself. I believe we are all emotionally stronger than we give ourselves credit for but it's hard to realize that when we compare ourselves to others & are so very hard on ourselves. I am most guilty of that. I'm going to share what I received & read this week with you.

The e-news letter is from the Eat Clean Diet website. I am a member and I get a weekly newsletter (which I look forward too!!). I feel strongly about eating clean & the principles behind it. Please feel free to check out the website. There is a lot of information. Also, check out Tosca Reno, what an amazing inspiration she is!!! Anyway, click here for the newsletter.

The first blog I am going to share with you, my friend Leah shared with me (Thanks Leah!!!). It's such an inspiring blog, I identify with it so much. It's real. It's extremely well written. Leah sending me this blog got me out of my exercise funk, honestly. It's what has motivated me to get back to the gym. Once you check it out, you will probably read the last few years of posts, I know I did. I always refer it to the Bitch Cakes blogs. Click here for her blog.

The second blog is by a friend of mine, Amy. Such an amazing writer that girl is. She has a dry sense of humor & is very matter-of-fact. I know the whole family & they are all the same way. Her parents are two very funny people & her brother has the same sense of humor. Great people. Amy is a triathlete. An inspiring triathlete at that. Amy's writing is very real. She offers great advice. It's very easy to identify with. Sometimes I think she is writing from my head, as if we are having the same thoughts, oh wait, we do!!! She gives me great perspective when I'm in a little funk & either comments on something to ease me out of my funk or just happened to write in her own blog. Her blog is awesome & to read it click here.

I hope you all check out the things I shared today. My funk hasn't been with exercise but with general doubts in myself. I plan to read everything again & process it. They were all good reminders.

Happily,

Elizabeth
grazingthroughlife@gmail.com

Funk.....

I hate to break it to you but I'm still in a funk. It's just an emotional funk but it's still a funk. My "lay off" and the way it was handled has just thrown me for a loop in a lot of ways. I'm struggling with a lot of things, except for the first time, exercise is not struggle.

I have been doing something every day. I love the Y. It helps keep my anxiety down. Some days it's really bad. I feel like I need to be nasty to everyone. I really try not to be & if I have been to you, I'm sorry.

I noticed today there is a difference in the full body cross trainers & lower body ones. In an hour on the full body machines (which is the machine I prefer) I only go about 4 miles in distance. Today, I had to use the lower body ones & only did 45 minutes and went 6 miles. I'm going to have to do some research to figure out the difference.

Also, I have a new guilty pleasure. I happened to be at the Y later than normal (my funk makes it harder & harder to get motivated each day) & The Wendy Williams Show was on. I love Wendy & all her many wigs. I love that she's honest about her wig wearing. She is fun!! You should check her out sometime!!!!

Anyway, I'm working on something, a business endeavor you could say. I don't want to talk about it too much right now, until more of the plan comes together. I'm pretty excited about it.

I think as long as I keep exercising a constant, things will be ok. If I stop, my funk will consume me & I'm trying not to let that happen. If any one of you hear me say "I didn't go to the Y, I didn't feel like it, or I'm just in a funk" please slap me silly. I just can't stop going.

Funkily,

Elizabeth
grazingthroughlife@gmail.com

Sweatbands

I'm gonna need them. I really have to look for some. I've been working really hard at the Y. I don't care that my shirt is soaked or I have ass cheek/crack sweat. I feel great.....sort of....

This whole losing my job thing has really got me in a funk. I have to force myself up out of bed in the morning. It's been very hard to get up. But I do it. I take care of my babies, then I get myself some breakfast & head to the Y. It seems to be my new way of coping, which isn't a bad thing.

I was worried about myself, that I would return to coping in my typical ways. But I haven't. I bought chips for the first time 2 days ago. Because I had company. Guess what? There are still a whole bunch left. I also would have had wings like every other day, no joke. But I haven't. I suppose my head is on better than I have been giving myself credit for.

As I said, I've been working hard at the Y. I don't do anything less than an hour. I haven't lifted weights because I have to redo my sheet Donna gave me, I just haven't had time. I see to be more busy now than I was when I had a job. I don't know how I did everything! Today I did my 60 minutes on the cross trainer. I pushed myself really hard today. I finished with a resistance of 10 & a crossramp of 14. I did that for the last 30 minutes of my time. The other 30 minutes was spent with less resistance but at a faster pace. My lungs feel wonderful & so does my body. I've notice my posture improves when I am done. I have more energy throughout the day.

I'm really glad I joined the Y. I'm starting to become face friendly with the staff. I love that it's so family oriented & everyone is so friendly. I got a flyer in the mail from the Y that was advertising their fall classes. I saw Zumba listed & I was excited about that. I spoke with the lady at the desk about signing up. I had to wait until yesterday, when it would be available for online registration. They are offering 3 classes. My only concern was that is I pick & pay for a class, what happens if I got a job? I'm going to take advantage of my unemployment for a little bit & work on me. Anyway, I asked & should I get a job that interferes with the class I signed up for, I can change to a different class, no problem. How awesome is that? I have a list of other classes the Y offers, some free, some not & I think I may take advantage of some. Why not?

I'm trying hard to "fake it until I make it". I'm really scared that I don't have a job, I will be without health insurance. I have a lot of anxiety but I'm trying my best to rely on exercise to keep my head in a healthy place because I don't know what else to do. I know everything will work out, it's just getting through it all.

Happily-ish,

Elizabeth
grazingthroughlife@gmail.com

Mila

I've been to the gym every day this week except Monday & that was my long hike in the woods. My eating hasn't been exceptional but it hasn't been poor either. I'm middle of the road. This whole lay off thing has me in an awful funk. I've been working really hard at the gym. My bum is sore from my cardio. I haven't lifted weights, I've slacked somewhat in that area. The gym is what's helping me keep my sanity. I constantly think/rethink/over think everything lately. I need structure & don't have it right now. The gym provides me a little structure each day. I picked up my mail the other day & there was a flyer from the Y. They are going to be offering Zumba in the fall & I'm pretty excited. It's an 8 week class with a fee but I think it wil be worth it. I will let you know my revelations & discoveries as I take it.

On Tuesday, my friend Elysia gave me a bag of Mila. Lifemax is billing Mila as the Miracle Seed. Mila comes from the Chia seeds. Fascinating, right?? Elysia's mom Linda is selling it. Elysia's dad has been taking it for a month. He has high cholesterol. He didn't do anything but add a scoop of Mila a day to his diet. He didn't change his eating habits or what kinds of foods he ate & his cholesterol went down 15 points. Another friend of theirs, Dawn, doesn't do anything to control her blood sugar, she is a diabetic, and by adding the Mila to her diet (again, no other changes) her blood sugar has been in control.

I had to get some groceries Wednesday & got some things to add Mila into. I started it yesterday. Elysia advised me to drink A LOT of water. I will tell you I have had a lot of furgly gurgling in my belly. There is a lot of fiber in the Mila. There is a lot of a lot of things in the Mila. I have included several links for you to check it out. The website mentions how people notice immediate differences. I can tell you I am cynic so I was doubtful. Today, being the 2nd day I have taken it I have had quite the diminished appetite. Maybe it's all the water, maybe it's all the soluble fiber. I don't quite know. Yesterday, I mixed it in my oatmeal. Today I stirred it into low sugar orange juice. The Mila will become gelatinous if it sits in water & Elysia said if you mix it in yogurt & let it sit some, the yogurt will expand. It is a tasteless product. I will be monitoring my blood sugar as the days go by. I know just how to exercise to lower my blood sugar a lot so I have to be careful.

I've only been adding 1/2 a scoop. The suggestion is a whole scoop. I can't imagine how much gurgling would be going on if I did have a full scoop!!! I'm not suggesting you buy Mila. I'm asking that you read my blog & see what happens with me & you read about Mila. I ate lunch between 11 & 12 today & I'm still not hungry for dinner. We will see what there is to come......

Happily,

Elizabeth
grazingthroughlife@gmail.com

Junkie

I feel like a junkie today. The reality of being jobless is starting to set in. I'm depressed & don't have any motivation to do the daily things that need to be done.

I did go to the Y. My legs were tired. Probably because of yesterday's cardio (mostly) but I think a little has to do feeling depressed. I worked through the pain. Did my hour. Again, it was hard not to panic & cry.

Now I keep pacing through my apartment. Looking for something to satisfy the need to cope. I don't have anything. No chips, no cheese, no wings, nothing. I keep hoping, every time I open my refrigerator something will appear. It doesn't. I just keep drinking water. I know it's a good thing I don't have anything, I know it won't make me feel any better. I just don't know how to make myself feel better at the moment, different than I normally do.

I will get through it. Today is a very hard day. I won't be doing my normal Sunday routines of making stuff for lunch for the week & ironing my clothes. I should clean but I just don't feel like it. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

Your Junkie,

Elizabeth

128 + 789 = ?

Disclaimer: Please note that any numbers I write about pertain to me & me only. I share them because I think it helps understand the work/progress.

128 + 789 = ? What does that mean? What does it equal? I will tell you....

We will start with 789. That's how many calories I burned on the elliptical today in 60 minutes. I'm a nasty, sweaty, gross mess right now & I love it. My mood is splendid. I always feel this sense of calm after I exercise. It's such a wonderful, peaceful feeling. I know I've said it before, but I love exercise. But I digress.....

Onto the 128. That was my heart rate 3 minutes after a burst of more intense work. I like to measure the amount of time it takes for my heart rate to slow down after intensity. I've noticed the last few times I've gone to the Y I have had to work really hard to push my heart rate up over 132. I mean, really hard. The highest I could get it today was 147. Anyway, I got my heart rate up to 147 & held that for about 5 minutes & then checked it every minute for a total of 3 minutes after to see how long it takes to slow down. After 1 minute it was down to 136. After 2 minutes it was down to 132 & after 3 minutes it was down to 128. All that means is my heart is becoming stronger & more efficient at pumping blood through my body. That's a really good thing.

So......128 + 789 = to movement toward better health.

While I was truckin' along today I had some realizations. About 2 years ago, I made a decision that would turn my life upside down. While I had to work through some things, other stuff had to be put on the back burner. I put exercise & eating healthy on those back burners. I couldn't focus on doing those things for myself when I had other issues pressing immediately. I had lost about 60 pounds. I've gained 30 back since then, I know so unhealthy. Well, I've gotten everything else in my life in order except for eating right & exercising. Well this week I was given a blow that could be very detrimental in losing my job. Then I had a thought. I now have the free time to put exercise & eating right on the front burners. I can make them a priority so that when I find my new superly awesome dream job, they will already be a stable factor going on in my life & I will be able to fill a job in around them instead of trying to fit them into an already busy life. That made me really happy.

Have a great day everyone!!

Happily,

Elizabeth
grazingthroughlife@gmail.com

774

That's the amount of calories I burned on the elliptical machine this morning. I had every intention of lifting weights & doing cardio today. That didn't happen.

I pitied myself last night & ate crap. Made me feel like crap. I stayed up later than normal because I felt like crap, didn't sleep well because I ate crap, was up early because I felt like crap....the cycle. I knew because of how my body was feeling I would not have the energy to lift weights & do cardio. So I opted just for cardio.

I was actually trying to talk myself out of going. But I went & cardioed for a full hour. It wasn't easy, for a lot of reasons. I had to burn through the crap in my body. It's hard to get the muscles to move when they've been fed poorly. Even though I ate a smart breakfast, it was still hard. It was also hard because I do my thinking when I am on the elliptical. I had a couple of moments of panic as in "what am I going to do?" I had to choke back tears. I'm not sad, I'm scared. They are tears of fear.

I will figure it out. It's just going to take some thinking. So, I will be thinking, on the cross trainer, regularly. It will come to me. I will use this time to focus on me, get into a regular exercise routine. I'm actually look forward to that. In that time, I'm hoping the answers will come to me. The answer I have now: I was watching The Price Is Right yesterday & thinking I should get on there to win some money, or a lifetime supply of soup or a new car. The next commercial during the show: Live auditions for The Price Is Right in Yonkers, totally doable!!!! Is that a sign?? Should I go??

Well, as long as I keep trucking it will be ok. 774 calories burned & 4 miles travelled. That's a good way to start the day.


Happily,

Elizabeth
grazingthroughlife@gmail.com

Not Today

Today was a day I never thought would come. I was planning a different topic, but that will have to wait.

Today will be starting the test of my emotional strength. Well, maybe tomorrow. Today, I get to be weak.

I was laid off from my job today. It was completely unexpected. Yes, there have been a lot of changes going on. Positive changes. I had asked repeatedly if my job was going to be affected to please give me notice, I can't be left without a job. That did't happen. The bomb was dropped at 8:30am. Yes, the economy is bad & a lot of people have job woes. My layoff was not due to that. It could have been avoided if better choices & decisions were made but those things were based on emotions & obligatory duties, not on facts.

Between Hailey, the boy & I, I'm the only one bringing in money. Everything falls to me. I struggle to make my ends meet & live paycheck to paycheck as it is. I have cut every possible thing I could. I am devastated. I honestly don't know what to do.

But today is not the day where I need to figure everything out. I get today to wallow in self pity. I get today to see my "friends" if I choose to. I get today to sit & cry. Because I have to let my fears out. I have to let my panic out. If I hold it in or pretend to be strong, it will fail, I will fail. It all has to come out.

Tomorrow will be a new day. Tomorrow will be based on refocusing. Tomorrow will be calming my fears. Tomorrow will be spent doing my resume & calming my anxiety at the Y. I will clean, a lot, & spend time with Hailey & the boy. If I don't get my frame of mind right, I will not be successful in looking toward a positive direction. Today I just can't do it. I need to let the dust settle. I'm taking the rest of the afternoon off from good choices & positive thinking. I just can't function. My brain hurts way too much at the moment.

Sadly,

Elizabeth
grazingthroughlife@gmail.com

You Will Never Guess

Well, this was a big weekend. I mean BIG!!! You all know I tossed my wings....I know, big deal for me. Well, something else happened.

Yesterday, I was checking my bank account. I had a membership I cancelled at the end of June, I was obligated to pay for July & my account was debited for August. Devastation. What was I going to do? I had to fix it. It was 7:30am on a Sunday. I was ready for the Y. The place didn't open until 9am. Panic. Time to cope....

But guess what? I didn't need to. I mean, I did, but in a different way. Normally I would have found "something" & started shoveling it into my mouth. It wouldn't matter what, just something to calm my nerves & going to the Y would be out. I had a little self talk. They place didn't open until 9am. The Y opened at 8am. Might as well go & be productive. Eating wouldn't fix anything. I was hoping the Y would help calm me down. I was going between being angry & crying & thought it best to try to work some of that out.

I went to the Y, lifted weights & did 30 minutes of cardio. I calmed down some. I was a bit nauseous but I think because I was so upset. For the first time ever, I chose NOT to eat something. I controlled the reaction, it didn't control me.

I tried to explain it to Jay. It's a cycle, eating to feel better, then feeling like crap because there was desctructive behavior. It's hard to explain but it's almost a compulsion. An involuntary reaction in a way. When you have performed the same reaction for so many years, it's hard to change. You just do it. Yesterday was the first time I changed my my reaction.

I'm very happy with myself. I suppose this is what my years of therapy are helping me do. Small steps, one day at a time :)

Happily,

Elizabeth
grazingthroughlife@gmail.com