Junkie

I feel like a junkie today. The reality of being jobless is starting to set in. I'm depressed & don't have any motivation to do the daily things that need to be done.

I did go to the Y. My legs were tired. Probably because of yesterday's cardio (mostly) but I think a little has to do feeling depressed. I worked through the pain. Did my hour. Again, it was hard not to panic & cry.

Now I keep pacing through my apartment. Looking for something to satisfy the need to cope. I don't have anything. No chips, no cheese, no wings, nothing. I keep hoping, every time I open my refrigerator something will appear. It doesn't. I just keep drinking water. I know it's a good thing I don't have anything, I know it won't make me feel any better. I just don't know how to make myself feel better at the moment, different than I normally do.

I will get through it. Today is a very hard day. I won't be doing my normal Sunday routines of making stuff for lunch for the week & ironing my clothes. I should clean but I just don't feel like it. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

Your Junkie,

Elizabeth