You Will Never Guess

Well, this was a big weekend. I mean BIG!!! You all know I tossed my wings....I know, big deal for me. Well, something else happened.

Yesterday, I was checking my bank account. I had a membership I cancelled at the end of June, I was obligated to pay for July & my account was debited for August. Devastation. What was I going to do? I had to fix it. It was 7:30am on a Sunday. I was ready for the Y. The place didn't open until 9am. Panic. Time to cope....

But guess what? I didn't need to. I mean, I did, but in a different way. Normally I would have found "something" & started shoveling it into my mouth. It wouldn't matter what, just something to calm my nerves & going to the Y would be out. I had a little self talk. They place didn't open until 9am. The Y opened at 8am. Might as well go & be productive. Eating wouldn't fix anything. I was hoping the Y would help calm me down. I was going between being angry & crying & thought it best to try to work some of that out.

I went to the Y, lifted weights & did 30 minutes of cardio. I calmed down some. I was a bit nauseous but I think because I was so upset. For the first time ever, I chose NOT to eat something. I controlled the reaction, it didn't control me.

I tried to explain it to Jay. It's a cycle, eating to feel better, then feeling like crap because there was desctructive behavior. It's hard to explain but it's almost a compulsion. An involuntary reaction in a way. When you have performed the same reaction for so many years, it's hard to change. You just do it. Yesterday was the first time I changed my my reaction.

I'm very happy with myself. I suppose this is what my years of therapy are helping me do. Small steps, one day at a time :)

Happily,

Elizabeth
grazingthroughlife@gmail.com