Lemon Starbursts

I love Lemon Starbursts. They are my favorite Starburst flavor & the only lemon flavored candy I eat. I don't know why, it just is. Seth always had Lemon Starbursts in his candy dish. Most likely because everyone else ate every other flavor which worked out for me. I miss Seth, a lot lately. Seth is my therapist. When I lost my job, I lost my health insurance and I could no longer continue seeing him. I do e-mail him now & then but it isn't the same. Lately, as in the last few weeks, compounded in the last few days I've felt extremely overwhelmed.

Seth was my outlet. When I first started seeing Seth and for the first three years of my time with him (I saw Seth for four years) I went to see him every two weeks. I had a lot I had to work through. I finally got to monthly sessions, which was huge for me. I've done well so far since being laid off, but lately it's just been hard.

I was hoping today would be lovely, like yesterday. Nothing to make me sad. Nothing to cause me worry. No. Not today. I got a phone call from my pharmacy. My discount card for my pills has expired. I was only paying $24 for them. I have to call & get a new card, except they aren't open today. With the new card, it's $45. Without it my pills are $88. Now, if you're thinking that $88 is cheap in comparison to say being pregnant & having a baby, I agree with you 100%. But when you're unemployed, barely making ends meet & don't have a job prospect out on the horizon.....it's not so cheap. I don't know where to make any more cuts.

This news comes after a culmination of things. I've been extra emotional due to some girl things. I'm very stressed over not having or being able to find a job. I can't tell you how many jobs I have applied for in the last 2 weeks alone. No e-mails back, no calls back. My bills have been mounting, I'm getting phone calls, it's just been stressful.

I've been letting a lot of things bother me that normally wouldn't. Things said to me, the way people speak to me.....dumb stuff. Probably because of my stress level. I don't sleep through the night, even if I take a sleeping aid. I do have Ambien, which I know will work, but I need a lot of time for sleep & I can't do that to Hailey. I'm just tired in general and of a lot of things. I have a lot on my mind, I'm worrying about. Stuff I would probably only talk about with Seth.

With all that, these last few days....well....I don't expect my weigh in for WW to show a loss. It may either show no change or be up some. I indulged some the past couple of days. It wasn't gross like it could have been or has been, I just grazed....a lot. Most of it was processed foods too. Salty, delicious processed foods. I picked & picked. I'm human, it happens, I'm just owning up to it. I won't write tomorrow: "I'm not sure what happened, weird". I'm being honest. I have owned up to it. I'm human & life happened. I will be moving forward & not backward.

Tomorrow is a new day :)